Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. After being together for more than a decade, I truly feel that the best present is just still being able to cherish one another.

I spent my morning running and cursing the fact that my town hadn’t bothered to plow the sidewalks AT ALL after a pretty nasty snowstorm. Pedestrians don’t matter, apparently. On a busy road, lined with business and grocery stores, there was ltierally no way for a person walking to get from point A to point B without walking on the road. Totally ludicrous.

I also cursed the fact that my blister was getting irritated again. I had one last week right below the ball of my left foot and had to take several days off because it was red, inflamed, and hot to the touch.

I got home annoyed and stressed, but happy to have gotten my miles in. Still, a run is supposed to de-stress me!

I spent the afternoon sipping a hot chocolate and getting work done. A very productive afternoon. When M returned home he handed me an Amazon package that was sitting on the counter. I had plucked it from our doorstep. I tore it open to reveal a USB cable. I was so confused. I didn’t want or expect anything, but a cable? What? What the fuck? Was he trying to tell me something? I had plenty of cables already. I could use an iPhone charger, though!

He left the room to dig something out of a drawer and handed me a sleek envelope with silver ribbon. I gently opened the package to reveal a spa certificate.

I was stunned and my reaction was completely innapropriate and I still feel bad about it. In my head, my immediate thought was: “I don’t deserve something like this”. I stammered on about how it was too much and he shouldn’t have.

What’s wrong with me that I couldn’t accept the ultra thoughtful gift? It’s something I wish for often. I’m always so sore so I’m always saying I could really use a massage. I literally never pamper myself. I don’t like to spend money on haircuts and manicures. It makes me feel guilty.

I always have a hard time feeling like I deserve the things that come my way because the truth is I don’t. No one person is more deserving than another. I think it’s something that affects all facets of my life, including running.  I often have a hard time why others would want to be around me (or even whether they do at all).

Still, I am worth something. At least I know I am to someone else. I’m not sure why it’s so difficult for me to come to terms with this. I think it’s something that affects all facets of my life, including running. I deserve to lace up my shoes and run even if I don’t look like a “typical” runner.

This weekend at the spa, I’m going to try my hardest to relax, unwind, and soak it all it while a bunch of strangers massage my body, hands, and feet, and put weird lotions on my face.

I’ve never really had a running-specific mantra. But I think I’ve just come up with the perfect one:

I AM WORTHY.